On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize