I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
