Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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