So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
