I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
