Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
