he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How does it feel to date your dad?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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