Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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