I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
