You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
