Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
