Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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