I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
