I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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