I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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