absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
