Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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