just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize