Apparently you make a good broom.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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