His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
