Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
