sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
