Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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