fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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