Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize