so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
