Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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