if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
