i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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