I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
