I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
