You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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