It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Vodka?
Forever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
