its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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