i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize