24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
