The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize