im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
