I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
