Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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