you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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