I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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