im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
