This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have feelings that need drinking.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
