It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
