her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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