Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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