first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Everclear isn't food dammit
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