I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
