so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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