when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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