Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
