I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
