Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
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