So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
