I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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