A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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