Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
