there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
