Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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