The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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