billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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