Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
being pregnant is like rehab
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
