He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
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that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
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She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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