You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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