i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
