i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
