I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
