i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
