do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
