i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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