He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He kissed a someone with a penis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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